What To Know About The Ghislaine Maxwell Trial

The trial for Ghislaine Maxwell began Monday in Manhattan. The Onion answers the most important questions about the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell.

Q: Who is Ghislaine Maxwell?
A: A wealthy British socialite known for her connection to Jeffrey Epstein and to absolutely no one else, nothing to see here.

Q: How is she related to Epstein? 
A: She could be the sole heir to the remainder of his prison sentence.

Q: What is her expected defense?
A: Some combination of “The prosecution has no case” and “Come on, 15 is practically 18.”

Q: What role did she play in the sex-trafficking ring?
A: Objection! Speculation.

Q: Why aren’t cameras allowed in the courtroom? 

A: In case she needs to die halfway through.

Q: Why did it take so long for people to realize her blood-testing company was having so many problems?
A: You might be getting your high-profile trials confused here.

Q: How does she plead?
A: Wealthy and connected.

Q: How are the Clintons involved in this trial? 
A: How much time do you have?



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